RUTHLESS ADVICE ON CONFIDENCE
“Hey Sheasby. I’m overseas about to start my first lead role in a television series. I’ve done plenty of work before but this does feel like a big step up for me. I’ve noticed that I’ve been struggling to sleep, first day of filming is coming up and I can’t seem to switch my brain or body off when I’m going to bed… I don’t know if you’ve experienced this before and if you have any tricks up your sleeve? I’m just worried over the next couple of weeks if I’m not having enough sleep I will drive myself into a hole.” - Roger (Name changed for privacy)
Roger
Love this
Thank you for sending this question in
Firstly I just want to celebrate you noticing the dissonance and putting your hand up
Sustainable change starts with awareness
So the fact that you’re noticing you’re losing sleep
Noticing thoughts around what might happen if you continue to lost more sleep
And then taking action by reaching out
Phenomenal stuff
Half the work is already done :)
What to do from here!
Firstly
In 21 years since turning professional
I have never
I repeat
Never
Had a relaxed first day on set
So the fact that you’re noticing worry creep in
Before you have your first experience with your new tribe of play mates
Yeah that’s totally normal
“First day jitters”
Is a very common experience
And I love when actors (even very experienced ones) own it
By walking around making “it’s my first day” jokes
Seems to me
The more experienced the actor
The more willing they are to give themselves permission to be where they are.
But that’s just some niceties
Lets get real
You need sleep
And not just some nice advice to help you accept where you are on your first day
You want a sustainable approach to get you through the marathon of this first leading role.
Roger
It sounds like the pressure is building for you
You need some confidence
So let’s give it to ya!
As my wonderful coach, Angie, taught me
The word “Confidence”
Comes from Latin
And translates to:
“To trust oneself fully”
What a gorgeous concept
But
We have two types of trust at play here
One
Performance Trust
Do you have the skills?
Have you done enough prep?
Is there enough evidence that tells you you can trust the work you have to give?
This is where directors, other actors, and your coaches, mentors can play a huge role
They provide reference points for us to get a gauge on reality
So this is where I step in
Roger
I have seen your prep
I have seen the way you’ve developed your skills over the last 2 years
I have seen the roles grow in size and professionalism for you
I promise you, Rogde
You’ll be one of the most prepared people on that set
You can absolutely trust that all the work that has gotten you to this point
Will be there for you to give on set when the time comes
Which leads me to trust number two
Self Trust
This is about acceptance
Why is acceptance so important?
Because pressure only exists when we are not accepting things outside of our control
Let’s admit here
All the things we are currently not accepting
It might be particular colleagues who’ve been cast
It might be the way your director communicates
It might be the costume decisions that have been made
It might be the set design
It might be dialogue changes
It might be the accomodation
It might be costume decisions being made
It might be the changes to your exercise and laundry and eating routines now that you’re away from your home base
It might be something someone said
It might be your hairline
It might be things going on at home
It might be the health of your pet
The weather
The trafic
The location of your hotel
The way you look
The way you sound
The changing schedule
Etc
Just admit what you’re not accepting
Write them out
Stare at them written on the page
Now you have one question
Is this IN or OUT of my control?
If it’s within your control
Get curious about what you can do to change it, then take action
If its out of your control
Look at it
Take a deep loving breath
And say outloud
“And that’s okay”
“I’m not accepting that the director doesn’t give me as much attention as the other cast members… and that’s okay”
“I’m not accepting that the whole set design is different to how I imagined it… and that’s okay”
“I’m not accepting that I’m starting to lose my hair… and thats okay”
“I’m not accepting that my cast mate is different to the one I was originally told would be playing the role… and thats okay”
“I’m not accepting the quality of the writing... and thats okay”
Now
We have two technical ways at looking at confidence
Trust in your performance
And
Trust in your self
However
And here’s the things
Confidence is half the battle
No matter how confident you feel going into your work
Beliefs will win the war when the pressure is on
Beliefs
Not faith
Not facts
Beliefs
The imaginary rules we adhere to because we subconsciously think they are real
No amount of confidence will help you
If at the end of the day
You don’t feel you’re enough as a person
Yeah
We are going full mindset stuff here
But the truth is
Most people come to me for confidence in skills and self
When really
It’s beliefs which are keeping them in a cage
Imaginary rules about the way the industry operates
Imaginary rules about how they should behave
Imagery rules about what will happen if they achieve certain things
And most importantly
The expectations artists believe are on their shoulders
Expectations
The killer of confidence
The killer of presence
The ultimate builder of pressure
In 2014 & 2015
I had two gigs
Playing the lead role of Henry V at the Sydney Opera House
And being cast as one of the main 13 roles in Mel Gibson’s Hacksaw Ridge
I prepped so bloody hard for both jobs
I had so much confidence in my skills and my self
But the truth was
There were so many imaginary expectations I believed were true
And I folded in both opportunities
Because of the expectations I believed others had of me
I believed that the theatre company expected me to be the best Henry V they’d ever had
I believed the expectation that my parents would be proud of me or love me more if I was good in the film
I believed the expectation that everything would be okay once I started making Hollywood money
I believed the expectation that I would be enough only if I did a good job as an actor and made the audience & industry love me
I believed that when I won an ward everyone would know i’m good enough
You see the pattern
Expectations place an emphasis on results
Which means I stop giving attention to the process
Which results in a lack of presence and a lack of connection
Which means I’m dead as an actor.
On paper they might seem a bit ridiculous
But we are human beings
And we are designed to survive
And sometimes we believe that if we do something in a particular way
The tribe will be happier with us
And therefore we get to stay at the fire another night longer
Instead of being cast out alone in the wilderness to fend for ourselves
So better to work with nature rather than against her
Totally normal and okay to care what others think
But when the ratio flips and we spend more time giving attention to expectations
Rather than focusing on the things which matter most (playing, connecting, breathing)
The work suffers
And our career suffers
So
Roger
Get curious about what expectations you might be placing on yourself with the new role you’re stepping into.
Now, what’s important about beliefs
Is that they are totally interchangeable tools
And we can sub them in and out for others
It takes a lot of work - Just like doing reps in the gym
It takes a heck of a lot of repetitions to increase the myeline around the particular neurological pathways
To help them flow faster
But one thing is for certain
The brain is plastic
And therefore changeable
So lets sub in some new beliefs that will remove expectations you may have for this new role
Roger
No matter what… you’re enough
Thats it!
The destroyer of all expectations
No matter what happens on this job
You’re enough as you are
You’re enough as a person, you’re loved by those who love you, and you’re safe to play as the glorious actor you are
No matter what… You’re enough
You’re stepping into a new normal, Roger
Leading a big new series
So time to build you’re new normal your way
Trust your performance by continuing your progression with skills, gathering evidence & surrounding yourself with trusted colleagues and coaches
Trust your self by accepting all the things that you can’t control
And make the choice to believe new beliefs that serve you
You’re enough, Roger
No matter what
Sleep well
Hope this helps
X
Sheasby
PS: I work privately with a handful of dedicated artists each year, so if you’d like to explore working together, feel free to email me at info@actorsblueprint.com.
Or, if you’d prefer to start on your own, my online course has over 3 hours of video tutorials which walk you through how to build your acting career, your way:
www.actorsblueprint.com/course