Please Care What Others Think

In 2016

I was about to open a play at the Sydney Opera House

I was playing one of my favourite characters (Valentine Coverly)

In one of my favourite plays (Arcadia)

By one of my favourite writers (Stoppard)

I hadn’t been on stage in almost eighteen months

And I was scared

The last experience I had in that theatre had been a painful one

And I didn’t quite know how I was going to handle being in front of an audience again

After working with an incredible coach

I had experienced one of the most enjoyable rehearsal periods of my life

I was playing freely in the room

And was finally feeling like I was giving work I wanted to

But the time came for previews

(That first taste of giving the work to the public)

Yup

Same old stuff

The same self doubt

The same negative self talk

The same beating the shit out of myself

It all came out of the wood work once more

I remember clenching the handlebars and swearing the entire ride home on my motorbike

Just when I thought I was turning pro

Just when I thought I could give work I was actually proud of

Just when I thought I was finally free from caring about what others think

Nope

Felt like quick sand was sucking me down again

And I spent the whole show standing on stage like a deer in the headlights

I remember thinking

“It’s like my doubts and fears took steroids as soon as I stood in front of the audience”

I was beating the crap out of myself

Why?

Because I believed it was bad to care what others thought about me

I’m gonna say that again

I believed it was bad for me to care what others thought about me

But let’s look at this from an evolutionary perspective

All of my biology is designed to help keep me alive

And in order to keep me alive

It has to keep me caring about what the group thinks

Why?

Well, who dies first?

The group who can work together to fend off predators?

Or the person rejected by the group standing alone against the bear?

We need the group

My body needs the group in order to survive

It needs to be surrounded by people I care about and who care about me

More people means more resources, more productivity, more security

Group equals life

Alone equals death

So damn sure my biology is going to do everything possible

To keep me caring about what others are thinking

That sounds pretty reasonable

If I care what others think, there’s a better chance I’m going to have a longer life

And therefore, be able to help the species survive another day

What’s my point?

I could not think of a bigger waste of time & energy

Than trying to not care about what others think

Our bodies are literally designed to do it

It’s what helped us get here

So please don’t disrespect the last two hundred thousand years of evolution

It is more than okay to care what others think

In fact

Its bloody wonderful to care what others think!

It says you’re a human!

And we need more human actors

Not more cool cats who hide their humanity by trying to pretend they don’t care

But… What about the solution you ask?

How does one allow themselves to care what others think but still move forward?

By being clear and honest about what is worth caring about most

Awareness equals choice

If you’re aware of what’s truly worth caring about

Then the next time you become paralysed by caring what others think

You’ll be able to choose where to place your attention

You’ll be able to bring your focus back to what is clearly and honestly most important to you

Like…

The work

Contributing meaningful work

Sharing meaningful stories

To the group

So the group can all care about something together

And thus survive another day on this Earth

Aren’t humans great?

Hope this helps

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